King George III’s Unusual Visitor

Or: The Once and Future King

It is the year 1776, and America has just declared independence from Britain. The news reaches the King and he’s not best pleased. One day after the news had broke, a mysterious stranger turns up at the palace asking desperately to see the King. The stranger is introduced, claiming to be from the future. After making a series of small, but accurate predictions, the King decides to listen to what this complete weirdo has to say.

“Don’t worry, your Majesty,” said the stranger, who could tell the King was not in the best of moods as he was sitting on the throne, completely naked and, having just been to the potty, was creating skidmarks on the delicate fabric. A few of the courtiers were throwing up in plant pots.

“In 244 years time the Americans will completely screw things up by appointing somebody even worse than you to lead them! He kills more of his own people than you ever did!” exclaimed the stranger who suddenly remembered where he was and immediately shuts up. The King just stared at the stranger. And stared. And stared.

Then the King laughed. And laughed, and laughed, and laughed. And had the weird little man executed for impudence, heresy, and for being a witch and/or warlock. ‘I should have f**king seen this coming,’ thought Nostradamus, Jr (for that was the weird little man’s name) as he was set ablaze.

The King went mad shortly after. He proclaimed a baked potato told him to stay indoors and wash his hands, to whom he thanked, and was subsequently told by the same potato to only to visit grocery stores. Whatever they were. Then the King died, such was life. And to that end, the incredibly late King George III was resurrected as a hologram in Las Vegas performing a medley of Elvis Presley songs, all thanks to somebody confusingly mixing up The King with A King. That person was promoted to the CEO of the company, such is corporate America these days.